What I’ll Say to my Children if I’m Diagnosed With Alzheimer’s

I was skimming some other dementia blogs lately and a reader had written in saying, that though she felt guilty about it, she wished her mother would die in her sleep and not have to continue living through the pain and indignity of dementia.  I’ve heard others say things like, “I’ve told my kids if I ever get Alzheimer’s just shoot me.”

I understand where these comments are coming from, but they make my heart heavy.  I feel like these attitudes devalue my Mom’s life right now. Even though they are not specifically referencing her, they are in effect saying that people like her are better off dead. It is hard to see Mom changing and confused and upset. But she still has sweet times of love and joy, too.  And God still has a purpose for her life.

He is growing our patience as we care for her.  He is developing our tenderness and mercy.  God is giving us opportunities to show love to a dear mom who loved us all so well when she was able and strong. He’s sending us smiles and laughter with Mom’s quirky ways and funny words.  He’s challenging us to love faithfully when she is angry and difficult.

People with dementia are still people.  And God still has a plan for their lives. Even when they are bedridden and can do nothing at all, maybe their very life keeps us clinging to God more. Maybe their very existence draws us closer to God as we seek Him and cry out to Him.

I fear having AD someday myself. (My mind already concerns me too often.)  But if that day comes I’m not going to tell my kids, even jokingly, to just shoot me.  What I would say to them is this…. Pray and trust God to guide you.  Get as much help as you can.  I don’t want you to sacrifice your life plans or family for my sake, but I want to always be part of your life.

If you need to find a nursing home for me, I understand.  Pray about it and seek wisely. And then visit me often. Even if I don’t seem to know you, believe in your heart that part of me does.  Hold my hand and talk to me.  Tell me all about your life.  Sing to me and read the Bible to me, please.  Brush my hair and tell me memories of your childhood.

If I’m still able to chew be sure to bring chocolate.  (You know your mom.) And hopefully I’ll have some adorable grandchildren to marvel over.

And don’t forget to take some time to just sit quietly next to me. Hold my wrinkled hand and let God whisper to your soul.  I’m so sorry you have to go through this painful journey with me, but God will give you strength and grow you through it all.  Hold fast unto Him. Sink deep into His love.

Everything will be better in heaven.  Meanwhile, when I can’t talk anymore; just know that I love you forever and that being a mom to you was an honor and the delight of my life.

That’s what I’d say to my children. Oh, and I might throw in a “Be nice to your brother” for old-time’s sake.

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728 thoughts on “What I’ll Say to my Children if I’m Diagnosed With Alzheimer’s

  1. Reblogged this on Retirement……LOVE IT! and commented:
    I found this article while I was perusing the internet today. Since I am going through this, along with the rest of my family, with my mom (she was diagnosed with dementia over three years ago), this article really “hit home.” Therefore, I thought I would share this blog with you.

    • For everyone facing dementia in their family or with close friends research “The Pines of Sarasota” and Teepa Snow she can help you understand the disease and coping skills in ways I have never seen before and I have a strong healthcare background.

  2. We are going through this with my mom. She was diagnosed with subcortical dementia a little over three years ago. My older sister and I live several hours away from my parents, so my younger sister (who lives two houses away from our parents) generally is the one responsible for overseeing decisions and everything else related to both our parents. Mom (85 yrs. old) has been in a nursing home for a little over two years and dad (almost 87) still lives at home. Even though he spends several hours with mom every day, he still feels terrible and guilty that this has happened to her. He doesn’t do much else each day. We have tried to help him get involved in volunteering or anything, just to give him something to do. My older sister and I go home once a month and stay for several days (we are both retired now). This helps to relieve some of the stress on our younger sister and gives her a little “break” from dad. It also gives us the opportunity to spend more time with mom as well as dad. It is SO VERY hard to watch as this disease progresses. Thank you for your blog on this topic; it has helped me to realize that: 1.) A LOT of other people have gone through/are going through this same ordeal; and, 2.) That there are still moments to be cherished because our loved ones ARE still with us. Thanks for the gentle reminder!

  3. Cheryl Cooley says:

    My Mom had Alzheimer’s for several years and lived in the Memory Care Unit of an Assisted Living for the last 5 years of her life as she digressed. During that time the Lord taught me: (1) Patience ( 2) MORE Respect for the Elderly ( 3) Deeper Compassion for others (4) That I didn’t have to be so strong all the time (5) How to step into someone else’s reality for awhile, (6) People are NOT who they appear in the Chapter of their life you happen to walk in on. This last lesson might be the most important. I’ve learned that everyone is deeper, richer in character & accomplishment than we give them credit for. The things they’ve been through, lived through, suffered, loved, cried & laughed through we’ll never know. Alzheimer’s is no respecter of persons. It attacks people despite their level of education, professional, race, socioeconomic class, or religion. It’s an equal opportunity destroyer. If you’re going through this journey with a loved one right now or have just been diagnosed, God bless you.

  4. Galen Reed says:

    Yes, very well said. But I would add another reason to hold those with dementia in honor: to not have them live out their full number of days would be an added tragedy. Help them to their full number of days, give them what you can, and let God take them home when He sees they have run the days He appointed for them. … “O death, where is thy victory? O death, where is thy sting?” (I Cor. 15:55) … Let’s rob death of its victory in not allowing it to come before its God appointed time!

  5. Mary Tuttle says:

    My mother in law had Alzheimer’s I tried to treat her as she was the same person she had always been. Not to talk down to her, not to make her upset when she asked questions over and over, when she didn’t realize that friend or husband had passed and she was looking for them. It was hard to say that he or she was sick or busy, not to upset her because she would not realize or-under-stand what was going on day after day as the brain would die day after day. We would talk when she Spoke, when she could, about when she was a child or a kid, Or someone I didn’t know As if she thought that I should know, when I didn’t know these people, but she felt better and that’s all that matters, that she was as comfortable as possible. It’s sad but that was her life with Alzheimer’s. I am so glad that she was a Christin woman and she knew that for many years. I have found that when someone Passes and you know that she is in Heaven that’s one thing we can be be at peace and that she is too. Amen

  6. JenniferE says:

    Beautifully written! Its one of my biggest fears for myself as well. I will pray for your mom to remember you often and for you to notice her remembering and to share your love with one another. God bless you and your family.

  7. Fran Miranda says:

    Sorry to say I totally disagree. I would never want my only child to go through what I went through when my mom had Alzheimer’s. I would not want him to put his precious life on hold to take care of me or become depressed seeing me turn into an insane women. It was the most awful Time of my life and my mom’s. I have already shared my wishes with my son and he knows once I do not know who he is, to please say goodby and never return. I love him too much to put him through that. I would take a bullet in a second to spare the love of my existence from any pain.

    • chermor2 says:

      Fran, I’m sorry your experience with your mom was so awful. I understand. My mother just passed away with Alzheimer’s this past December. My dad, daughter, some paid caregivers and I took care of her in her home for more than seven years. Much of it was very difficult and could be heart breaking. She probably didn’t know who we were the last few years of it, except for rare times when she suddenly would. We made so many precious memories with her and she continued to teach us and grow us up until her death. If she had told us to stay away from her, or if she had shot herself, THAT would have truly broken our hearts and left us with horrific memories. Mom’s illness did not put our lives on hold, it gave us an opportunities to love her in a deeper way. I miss her so much. I don’t regret a moment I spent with my mom, only the ones that I didn’t. ~Cheryl~

      • Pat says:

        What a lovely tribute. I also lost my Mom to Alzheimer’s. I laugh about so many things associated with this disease, in my Mom’s case. She was a lovely woman, and always wanted to look pretty. She would adorn herself with the strangest decorations in her hair, or if she couldn’t find her eyebrow pencil, she would use a blue ink pen. She did have to go to an Alzheimer’s facility, where she was well cared for. They had a very lifelike baby doll that the people could hold if so inclined. One day my Mom was holding the doll, leaned over to me and said…I think it’s dead, don’t you? Towards the end, I was the only person she recognized, and I hold that fact close to my heart every day. Yes, it’s a horrible disease, but if people would just try hard to understand, it would make life so much easier for everyone.

      • Pv Cole says:

        And sometimes, children — especially you Only Children who have been the center of your parents’ attention all your life– it’s not about you now. In this world you will have suffering. Be there as your mother suffers. She has suffered for you for sure

    • shanon chester says:

      Fran I totally agree with you. I would never want any of my children to go through what I have in just the last two years with not just my grandmothers alzhiemers but seeing my mom have to deal with it and take care of her. How many times she has had to hurt herself trying to lift my grandmother up when she can’t get off the toilet or the times she has had to give up her own life to take care of her. My grandmother has been gone for almost 8 years only the shell of her body remains. Everything else is gone, she remembers no one and not how to even feed herself. My mom says its fine but I see the exhaustion and I can’t do anything to help her. I would never let my spouse and children suffer through it.

    • As an only child, I go see my mom everyday and with no feeling of obligation or guilt. I also have my own life that I do things in, but my mom is the most important. She is the most important person in my life and I want to be sure I give her the time she always gave to me….because I love her and want to be there. I’d NEVER forego this opportunity to be with her. God blessed me with her, and I am grateful for that.

    • Linda burnett says:

      I agree with you. I know what i went through with my husband. I do not want my family to experience what i did. I loved him dearly and would do it again in a heartbeat but i didn’t have life outside of his and i didnt have a job or a family to raise. He was my life. I know my family loves me and i love them so very much, that is why I will not put them through it.

    • Tammy says:

      I appreciate your honesty. I am an only child too. I love my mother dearly and I try my best every day. She doesn’t yet have dementia or alzheimers and I hope and pray that she never does. I think some folks on here do not realize that a) not everyone had a good childhood or loving parents and b) some people have a whole lot more on their plate to deal with. I had a good childhood but at age 53 I have a 20 yr old autistic daughter that is non verbal and needs a huge amount of help that I am caregiver for as well as try to run my own business in addition to seeing after mom. To say it is stressful is an understatement. People can say what they want to but each situation is different and each person living it is different and personally I feel that if an elderly parent is scared, confused, unhappy, falling, etc.. and will only get worse then why on earth would anyone want to prolong their misery? I pray that when it is my mother’s turn that she has a good day and gets to talk to or see everyone she cares about and has a sunny day to be able to be outside and then that she says her prayers and goes to sleep and wakes up with Jesus.

  8. Anna Whiteman says:

    And, DON’T FORGET TO SING TO ME. I may join with you, or hum along. Bring a little joy with you…..

  9. Josie says:

    I never knew my father n law because by the time I met my husband he had dementia. I had such admiration for my new mother n law who was his primary care giver and did an amazing job. She loved and respected and accepted him just as he was. Now after 40 some years of marriage I am now the primary caregiver of my husband who has the same disease. It is heartbreaking and it has not been easy. My husband was always such a loving, giving, sociable man. He had such an easy going disposition and was the best father our four children could have ever asked for. Our youngest daughter moved home to assist with her Dad and it has been such an amazing blessing for the both my husband and myself. I feel fortunate to have been raised with a Catholic Christian backround and have an unwavering love and faith in God and His Mercy and Goodness. It is my faith in God that has sustained me through this journey even though I still struggle with being as patient, kind and gentle as I would like to be. May God Bless all caregivers as they strive to give the best quality of life to their loved one with dementia. We may never understand the plan God has for each of us but we need to trust that His will be done. Peace and Blessings.

  10. Shelby Snyder says:

    I love the one about singing to the person. My mother-in-law had Alzheimer’s for many years and was in a nursing home in PA. We did not get to see her but a few times a year, but when we did, our daughter would sing to her. Even though she seldom spoke a word, she would sing along with our daughter. We also sang to my father-in-law for a whole week when he was in the hospital and dying. It was so comforting to him and many of the other hospital patients that heard us singing.

  11. Valerie Skidmore says:

    these have all been very helpful.I took focus factor when my now risen husband thought i had AL. dementia. Then Prevagen which awakened my mind to be more like my college days. Now Phytoplankton 5000 or other good vitemins or combo help me be as best mentally as possible. I have cared for many to share the love of God to them till they pass. Thanks for all the comments.

  12. Greg says:

    Thank you for sharing this Cheryl.
    I saw it yesterday, so it was very timely.
    Today, March 21st 2017, is the one year celebration of my Dad’s home going. He suffered with dementia for about 8 years. I too often told people that if I ever got that way to shoot me. Joking of course, but It is a terrible existance for sure. However, being an only child, I had the lone privilege to assist in the care of my father, along with the staff of the local VA Nursing Home. I visited him weekly and did many of the things that you mentioned. He loved it when I bought​ Vitamin D Whole Milk, and Chocolate Chip cookies and went outside to enjoy the warm sunshine.

    I believe that we all have a time to go home and God will not call us one second too soon or one second too late. I treasure the times I had with him.

    Thanks again for your words of comfort and confirmation.

    Greg – St. Louis

    • chermor2 says:

      Greg, I’m sorry for your loss, but glad to hear you made special memories with your Dad. I’m thankful to hear this post brought you some comfort and confirmation. May God give you grace as you move into this second year without your Dad here. What a comfort to know that he’s with the Lord.
      ~Cheryl~

  13. Dorotha says:

    My mom passed a few weeks ago! She had diabetes, Alzheimer’s, & finally cancer. My dad had a mass on his kidney in 2012 & ended up having to have it removed! We didn’t know he would never be the same he knew he would never be able to care for mom again so wanted us to find a place for them! What an honor to have a dad that wanted to make sure she would be cared for! After finding such a place the struggles of going thru their stuff they had worked so hard for for 60+ years & try & figure out what to put in one room! My dad passed in April 2013! As my mom continued to progress it was so difficult to answer her question of where is dad? I did just as I would want my kids to do! I read her her bible, sang to her, talked about all the fun things we did together & her beautiful grandchildren! As her days started to grow closer I would hold her once so very strong hand & tell her how much I loved her & she would look at me & say I love you too sometimes with tear filled eyes! When I would leave I never said goodbye I always said I will see you soon! I never got to say goodbye but as I sat & watched her take her last breath I know she knew I was there & have no doubt she knew how much I loved her!

    • chermor2 says:

      I’m sorry for your loss, Dorotha. It sounds like you made very precious memories with your mother and loved her well. God bless and comfort you.
      ~Cheryl~

  14. Catherine Worley says:

    My Mother had Alzheimer disease for 15 years. She was always wonderful as she filled her pockets and every empty jar with rocks she found. She would laugh and laugh as she said ” Your Dad won’t give me any money so I pick up pretty rocks instead”. I can live with that. Yes she had bad times too, but over all it was good as we accepted the new life she had and took life instride as if it were normal. It is very hurtful to hear people declare how awful the disease is and they brand the Alzheimer person as unfit for life and unwanted. My Mother always said the meal time blessing. Near the end when she no longer had her own words she would get words off the milk carton for the blessing. We all would just look up at each other and say “God knows”. I’m not a blogger. Was just so very glad to read the above.

    • chermor2 says:

      Thank you, Catherine. Your mother sounds sweet! I’m glad you continued to make memories with her! I treasure the ones I made with my mother, too, and miss her now that she’s passed. Thank you for sharing your story!

  15. Antoinette C says:

    My mom does not have Alzheimer’s or dementia but we have been fighting lung cancer and brain cancer for the past three years ( she was diagnosed 1 week after my dad passed from pancreatic cancer) and her spinal cord cancer from 30 years ago has also started growing again. Everything said hit home with me. I am her 24/7 caretaker and if lucky get 7 hours off on Saturday and/or Sunday for me to do a side job, see my boyfriend who lives out of town, care for my home, and cuddle my dogs who live in my home with a doggie door (I do see them an hour a day to feed and show them love). My life is on hold because I won’t put her in a home…..I know she wouldn’t get as good care there than she does with me at home. I watch her change daily and notice the radiation in her brain has taken things away from her and continues to change her. I am hand on having to do her daily grooming, feeding, writing, and we have our own language at times because she can’t remember the word her brain wants to say. She is very aware and feels guilty…..but I know if it was the other way around, she would do the same. I fight chronic depression and care taking doesn’t help……but when all is said and done, I know she will know peace and my true love for her. I pray for strength daily and more times than I count, she has saved me from my thoughts for if I wasn’t here on this earth, she would be badly off and alone. I do have a brother, but too often I have heard “I work and have a life” ……my question to him at times is “I do too….what about me?” Then I see mom and remember why I do what I do even though it is tough. My boyfriend reminds me he and I will be together more soon and my cousin reminds me I will have my time….

    • chermor2 says:

      Thank you for sharing your story, Antoinette. Your life sounds so challenging. My mother just passed onto the Lord December of 2016 and now I miss her so much. You won’t regret the time you invest in your mother now. May God give you grace and strength each day. ~Cheryl~

  16. Carol Speno says:

    God bless you each day with His Peace, Courage and Graces as you care for your mom. Later in hindsight you will see the many blessings and gifts of love that has helped you to grow in ways you couldn’t have without this experience of lovingly taking care of your precious mom. Often my own life seemed interrupted by unexpected challenges that I needed to help a love one with. Now I am again called upon to take care of my husband of 52 years as his dementia increases and has been in need for24 hour care the last few years. I realize that we are called to love not only in the good times but especially in the more difficult times of all. Every day is a day of its’ own challenges and gifts of deeper love with grace filled patience. I find I call out to God fervently and frequently more and more. Not just for myself and my husband but for so many others as well. We are a world of people who need to be loved and shown each one matters and is of infinite value. Prayers and hugs to you sweet daughter.

    • chermor2 says:

      Thank you so much, Carol, for your beautiful message. You are inspiring! My precious mama went home to the Lord December 12, 2016. I’m missing her so much. And now my 94 year old mother-in-law, who has Alzheimer’s, lives with us and God is teaching me more. May He bless you and give you strength as you care for your husband. His mercies are new every morning. ~Cheryl~

  17. jncwinsor says:

    Thank you for sharing.

  18. Jennifer says:

    Thank you. Beautifully written and said. Alzheimers is so difficult for the family and can tear the family apart. You have provided a meaningful and lively perspective to pass on to our kids. Again, thank you for blessing us with your words.

  19. Virginia says:

    My feelings exactly. I couldn’t put it any better than you have. I too fear this terrible disease. My loving father passed in 1987 from it. I learned valuable lessons through his illness. Thank you for sharing this.

  20. Barb says:

    Read this as I got ready to leave my parents house. She as dementia. He’s trying so hard to take care of her. And all I want is for her to make cinnamon rolls again. Cause I know then every will be right, at least in my world. So, thank you for the insight that all is as God wants it.

  21. Danielle Long says:

    Thank you for this article! This has put a different perspective to a difficult situation that my family has been struggling with for years! This is a blessing❤

  22. Dee Wood says:

    I know how it feels my mom and her mom both have dementia🙏😪❤️

  23. Naomi Aldis says:

    Written beautifully. That is the attitude my sisters & I tried to maintain as we ministered to our Mama. God showed us how to love more deeply & treat her with dignity & respect. As we took turns taking week ends to stay with her we would sometimes go home crying & frazzled, but we were able to” count it all joy” to serve our Jesus in this capacity. We always knew that she would have done the same for us. A true GREAT WOMAN of Faith.

  24. Kristy Thompson says:

    Thank you for sharing your perspective. Mine is somewhat different, yet I have no judgment of yours or other people’s. Often, there is no exact right or wrong way to walk this journey. However, I am astonished that any kind hearted, decent human being would refer to any person as “unfit for life” and “unwanted”, as one commenter stated. Yet, as I’ve watched my precious mom shake with anxiety, fear for her life and ours (brought on by hallucinations) and lose the ability to perform even the simplest of everyday tasks; as we’ve watched her lose the ability to control her bowels and/or bladder or swallow her food, I have prayed that God would extend mercy and take her to be with Him. That is in no way a reflection of a devaluing of her life, or simply thinking she’d be better off dead. In fact, it’s just the opposite! What it does reflect is my very deep and strong belief that she has a grand, eternal life awaiting her just on the other side; one that promises a new body and a release from the agony that this present life brings. I’m grateful that God can use even the saddest of situations to bring value and purpose to every human life, by allowing spiritual growth to the tender parts of the hearts of loved ones who encircle the afflicted, but I’m also grateful that the Scriptures tell us that God cares about the desires of our hearts, and graciously allows us to cry out to Him for healing in some situations, or for mercy on the lives of the ones whom we deeply love, but whose minds, bodies and emotions are ravaged by terminal diseases such as Alzheimer’s Disease. When my mom chooses sleep (for about 15-18 hours a day) as an escape from what her life has become, I feel confident that she’d much prefer to be in the presence of her creator and Savior! Yes, I’ll continue to cherish and be thankful for the minutes here and there, when she smiles or says something cute or seems calm and at peace. And yes, I have confidence in God’s faithful provision, and the 3 of us kids consider it an honor to be able to provide her the best care possible. But, I’d happily sing and pray her into the arms of Jesus!

  25. Laura H says:

    As a nurse and daughter of a mom living with Alzheimer’s, I really do not agree with your words. Quality of life is important and when you reach that point when there is no quality left, why would you want someone to continue suffering in this condition. I have experienced this disease with several others. I participate in a fundraiser for Alzheimer’s where we ride our bikes 252 miles from Greenville, SC to Charleston, SC in 3 days in the heat of July hoping for a cure for this cruel disease. Put myself in the shoes of someone with advanced stages of Alzheimer’s…..let me be with my Heavenly Father and enjoy life once again…that’s what I pray for🙏

  26. mary miller says:

    I have read a book called “Before I forget” written by B. Smith & Dan Gasby. this is an excellent book for anyone starting the world of Alzheimer with someone. I had uncles with the disease but so far, I am fine. Yes, I do worried more than anything about my children having to take care of me or pay for care for me.

  27. Susie says:

    I have so enjoyed reading the comments as I am going through this with my mom who I love with all my heart, and as she lives with me and has for the last 2 years sometimes there are difficult times and I know sometimes it shows and she notices it but in all the comments I never heard anyone mention that and I feel so guilty I just walk away for awhile. Is this normal does anyone else get a little angry sometimes and know that their loved one notices it. She took care of me 20+ years with no complaints and I know I made her angry a lot of times, so I don’t consider it a burden to take care of her when she needs me.

    • chermor2 says:

      Susie, thank you for sharing. I think it’s normal to get angry sometimes, especially when you’re living with someone 24/7. I know my dad struggled with that sometimes. And I do once in awhile with my mother-in-law who lives with us now, when she seems unreasonable. And then I feel guilty too, because I know she can’t help it since she’s not thinking clearly. It’s not her fault, and I have to remind myself that she’s doing the best she can. I’m sure you’re doing the best you can, too. It’s human to have emotions. I hope you have someone you can process your feeling with. Praying and writing and talking to a few trusted people helps me. Also, trying to create an environment that keeps my mother-in-law happy and busy has helped. Right now she really likes coloring in adult coloring books and that has given more sanity to all of us! God bless you as you minister to your mom.

  28. Beth Pudas says:

    Oh my. So on point…I lived this out with my mother, who lived it out with her mother, my nanee. Nanee died in 1994. My mom was still my mom when we made the decision to move her and my dad into an assisted living facility. I watched the deterioration up close and personal as she faded away. When my father died in 2012 my mom’s descent was more rapid. I did the things you ask. My one regret is not sitting quietly with her more often. As with my grandmother, as my mom’s death approached, she had a brief period of lucidity that she shared with me about me; how much she loved me and how thankful for all I did for her. Even the nurses were amazed. Mom had been hospitalized for a few days and they really saw Mom at her worst. She met Jesus face to face within three weeks. But that memory is so special. I saw the woman that used to be and thanked God for the time and words of comfort from my mom…one last time.

  29. Diane Marie Grover says:

    Alzheimer’s is a killer but remember they do remember the cool things how to dance quote poems ,bible verses even use the persons body language to figure out what they need .

  30. Lee says:

    My mother has had dementia for the last 8 plus years. She was abusive all of my life. I now spend significant time caring for her and my father’s needs. My 2 brothers are not involved at all. The article and comments reflect a different experience. I am sure that I am not alone.

    • chermor2 says:

      Lee,I’m sure you’re not alone, also. And I’m so sorry. What a very difficult situation. I pray God gives you the grace and wisdom to cope with these challenges. And that He blesses you for all you do for your parents.

  31. John Depooter says:

    My Nely was a nurse all her life When she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2011 it was devastating for her knowing what she and her family would be going through Her biggest concern was for me her husband Nobody knows what it is like unless you have a spouse that has this dreaded decease and are taking care of your loved one My nely was involved in a horrible accident in 2013 she got hit by a SUV and as a result it accelerated her condition She passed away one year and three weeks after the accident From the day she was diagnosed until her death a prayed every day for healing My prayers were answered on Feb 24 2014 but not in the way I wanted The Lord took her home and she was healed . To all the people that might read this and have
    a family member with Alzheimer’s I pray the Lord will stand by your side as you are dealing with this

    • chermor2 says:

      I’m so sorry for your loss, John. I helped my Dad care for my mom for over nine years.He did so much for her, even though he was blind.Until the last year of her life when it was just too hard for him, so my daughter and I and caretakers took over. But Dad is my hero. His love and devotion and sacrifices for mom were such an example to me. Mom passed away this past December. We miss her, but it is a comfort to know our loved ones are healed now, and with the Lord, isn’t it? May God bless you for all you did for your Nely.

  32. Sheila Taylor says:

    What a beautiful thought! My Mama passed away with Alzheimer’s. She had great moments too. Unfortunately we brought Hospice in who tried to convince us she had no ‘quality’ of life and did not want us taking her to the hospital for anything – not even chest pain which she had the last night she was conscious. We took her home and the next day she became unresponsive. Passed away 4 days later. I miss her every day! I always said, just because she has Alzheimer’s doesn’t mean we should ignore what we CAN fix!! My Mama was my Hero!!

  33. acdc2016blog says:

    Typing this with tears streaming down my face. I am watching my dad from afar live with frontotemporal dementia. I have been dealing with a lot emotionally because I am not there anymore (got married and live 5 hours away). At my wedding it was more of me walking him down than him walking me down the aisle. I have also had to deal emotionally with wondering what he went through with his mom who had Alzheimer’s for 14 years. I was 6 when she died. He asked me once if I ever worry if I will have it one day because this is all early onset in his family. I told him calmly that I can’t worry because I have watched the worry eat at him for years. Thank you for this blog post so much! I need these reminders.

  34. Donna says:

    Alzheimers or Dementia is not any way of life. If it is ‘God’s will’ it’s a cruel one in my book.

  35. Daughter says:

    No kidding… If your mother has dementia you totally get this!!

  36. stephsgrn says:

    Wow! This post hit home.. It brought tears to my eyes that, even now, cloud my vision as I type this. My Papaw (grandfather) had alzheimer’s. It was terrible to watch his deterioration, but I don’t remember ever just wishing he’d just go peacefully. I had one son who knew him, although he was still small and another that was very young and didn’t know him before the illness. To see them get to spend precious time with him was a blessing and a gift that I will forever cherish. He never got mean or violent as some unfortunately do, he just basically reverted back to a child. He seemed to recognize my little brother longer than any of us, but I believe he thought he was his brother, our uncle. He looks so much like my Papaw that I can’t wait to see him in his older years. He would pretend (very well) that he knew us when we came to see him, but if you looked closely, you could tell if he really did or not. I always searched his eyes, I could tell if it was actually him or the small child now occupying his mind. Whichever person was there, it was always a nice visit, he was so happy to see any of us who came. I will always miss him and regret that my children couldn’t have known him better.

  37. Dana says:

    Thank you for these needed words of advice as my family has a loved one in the last stages of Alzheimer’s. May God bless you ❤️

    • chermor2 says:

      I’m sorry, Dana. It is such a very difficult time. Praying right now that God will give you grace and strength for every day of the journey. Blessings~Cheryl

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